Not a good day today at Selayang Hospital ....

Today, I was suppose to meet up with a nice compassionate specialist to review my labs result but somehow, I was called to this "specialist", who I'd seen before and can be the most sarcastic, insensitive b**ch. I never liked her.

She is one of those who looks at you and say, you sure, you feel sick? She was the one who previously passed the remark, "you are always complaining you are feeling warm / flushed," and I snapped and said, "You asked, right?"

She makes you think like you are sick in the mind, that all your symptoms like tireness, nausea, lack of energy, loss of appetite is all in your mind! Come on, I lost my appetite with KFC!! This is bad! Every food smells funny to me, I want to eat but I want to puke at the same time!

Anyway, today - when I was called it, without even looking at my records, she asked, "How do you feel?" - I said I feel very, very tired, nausea, loss of appetite and ... suddenly she stopped me and said, I mean "lupus symptoms" like photosensitivity ... blah blah ..., I said, I'm always photosensitive, then she said, I don't see your rash, I said maybe not NOW! Blood was boiling at this point of time. Then she said, "Oh you looked well" and I snapped, "Hey, I don't feel well - my joints are better but I don't feel, sleep and eat well ..." - what a b**ch!

Then I said to her - look at my records, my urine has protein, my blood pressure is up - is it still okay? Am I still okay? Then she said, oh .. your 24H urine protein was only 0.33 - normal - I looked at her and wanted very much to say - excuse me, NORMAL means 0.15 and below, best is negative!

Fuck u! It is not your urine! I pissed 24H in a bottle twice, it is not an easy feat - having more than 2.5lit of urine each day! I asked, how about my latest 24H result? It went up to 3.63 !!!! 10 times! My albumin, Hb and complements (c3, c4) are low and my ESR is up to 47.
Why the fuck she don't read my labs before she start poking, making all these sort of remarks, questions! Oh fuck!

So, I said to her, very agitated .... Okay, if you say I'm fine, then I am fine, just my lab results are NOT FINE, okay? I said, check my blood pressure, see if it is fine OR NOT! Ooopps 150/90 ... so she had to double my BP control pill this time around.

She sensed I was going to ran amok with a syringe and start stabbing all the chairs in the hospital, and suddenly she became polite, nice .... brrrr...... she started explaining about the kidney and that she had to refer me to the kidney (nephro) gang in the hospital. This point I asked for Valium, I said "I CANNOT SLEEP" .... don't ask me to TRY because I have!

Anyway, kidney ward here I come next week for the biopsy ... life sux .... I have to be admitted for whatever they are going to do .... please god, let me have more compassionate (and competent) doctors / specialist !!